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Justice for Elijah
They say that justice is blind. Today, I sent our complaint to the GMC. I hope they have their eyes wide open… “It’s every man’s business to see justice done” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle SERIOUS COMPLAINT...
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Get ready…
I received this email from the hospital today. My answer is Yes, I would very much like to meet you p.s I hope you’ve got your Flak Jacket ready. I’ll be expecting action… —- Dear Mrs Swan Thank you...
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I dreamed a dream
I’ve been listening to a particular song lots today. On this day, exactly four months ago, I was in the hospital being injected with steroids and Elijah was still alive. I wish I could turn the clock...
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Here is where the heart is
An old friend called me the other day to tell me she’d read my blog and that she realised, she didn’t really know me at all. I’ve been thinking about that this weekend. How well do we ever truly know...
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123 days
The world always stops at 4.21pm on the 19th of the month. It did today. 4.21pm. I stopped and I thought about that moment, 4 months ago (123 days) that Elijah came into this world. I really wanted to...
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Room 1
It’s very hard not to get hung up on dates and times in the aftermath of loss. At exactly this time, exactly 4 months ago, we were having our boy christened and as we stood there, surrounded by the...
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Feel the heat
I received a letter from the GMC today. The heat is starting and I hope he feels the burn. I will have my pound of flesh. In fact, I will have 5lbs & 4ozs of flesh, which was the weight of Elijah...
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It’s here….
Flu season! Ugh! so for the first time in a while I’m not writing a normal, emotionally slushy, blog post. The only slushy thing happening in this house right now is happening up my nose and believe...
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The True Magic of Christmas
Christmas is a tricky time when you’ve lost a loved one. I’ve been dreading it. Celebrating a birth, buying presents for other peoples babies, seeing newborns dressed up as cute reindeers…to be honest,...
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A very creepy Christmas
I’ve been putting it off, but finally, with the big day fast approaching, we went Christmas shopping today. Gabriel (my almost 3 year old) was very excited, shouting “Tree mummy. Lights mummy. Snow...
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Toddler
I’m writing this post while I can still get away with calling Gabey a toddler. In a few weeks he turns 3, officially becomes a pre-schooler and we enter a new phase. To be honest, I was expecting this...
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On the eve of Christmas
These are unusual times. As Christmas approaches, I spend my days moving between despair and hope. Dickens said it best in A Tale of Two Cities.. It was the best of times It was the worst of times it...
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Just keep climbing
Today, as I cuddled the most beautiful newborn baby girl, my friends and I chatted about Elijah and grief and what it takes to move on. I’ve been very determined to make sure Gabriel (my 3 year old)...
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The Power of Words
6 months ago today, at exactly this time, 11.30am, my waters broke. A few hours later, Elijah was born and you all the know the rest of the story. Today, I should be posting photos of a smiling Elijah...
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I Carved Your Name
Written by Elijahs mummy Cold majesty to freeze my heart, The silent beauty calms, Wispy white to mark the day, You left my loving arms. A fallen tree, my fallen child, a thousand tears I’ve cried, and...
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Holding out for a hero
About 20 years ago, I tried to save the life of a cat. I was driving along the notoriously busy Stifford Road, in my hometown of Aveley, when the car in front of me hit a cat. BANG, the cat was down...
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3am
In the months since losing Elijah, finding a moment every day just for him has become very important to me. My days are always busy. Moving house, a beautiful, boisterous 3 year old and hospital...
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A Different Mother
Sophocles (a famous greek playwright) once wrote that “children are the anchors of a mothers life”. It’s particularly poignant for me, today, Mother’s Day, after losing one of my precious anchors. On...
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Walking the path with Nemo
Over the last few days, I’ve become obsessed with a quote from the movie “The Matrix”. . Later today we go for our 20 week pregnancy scan to check if our little “Nemo” is ok. In fact, due to a set of...
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Moments of Life and Death
It’s been a while but I feel the need to write now, as today marks the one year anniversary of holding Elijah in my arms as he passed away. Much has happened since my last post, especially the birth of...
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